According to Juan

Here it is, the long awaited post. I have really put a lot of brain power into trying to remember all the stupid things my ex says and does. With a little help from my BFFS I think we got a lot of them.

According to Juan:

Marie is Korean.
It's cool to lock your wife out of the bedroom if she stays at her sisters past dark.
It's normal to stock ur ex even after signing divorce papers.
You should always over inflate ur tires. What's a tire gauge for?
Spooging under your ex's door when she locks the door is a natural high.
All ex's should want to sleep in their ex's bed when looking after the kids.
If you want to know if you have enough oil just check your transmission fluid.
You only need water in your vehicle. Antifreeze is completely unnecessary.
It's ok to fail the pictoral drivers ed test after failing it in English and Spanish several times. (8th times a charm)
It's cool to drive teenagers to the store so they can steal gum. HELLO it's called supervision.
A 400 minute cell phone plan is perfect when you talk to your girlfriend for 1200 minutes a month.
Talking to other women on the phone for 1200 minutes a month is not cheating.
Good money management is blowing $60 a week on the gut truck.
You can buy childrens love with a slurpee.
It takes a teenager 20 minutes to cross the street, (damn what a great babysitter)
It's perfectly normal to offer to buy your ex a bra.
There is no need to ring out a wash cloth full of clorox, just let it drip down the stairs and ruin your sister -in- laws carpet.
Overloading a trailer is not a problem. The tires should look flat.
Mini vans won't get stuck in the sand.
It is generous to ask your ex for $10 because your broke and then take two of the kids for slurpees and give them each $5. What the f... (of course I didn't tell them that the money was really from me, I'm still the cheapskate mom)
Flipping over a four wheeler on flat gound going slow is possible. (just ask my son and his ankle)
It's ok to bring another women into our house (to cut his hair?)
The freeway is totally unecessary. Take all the neighborhood streets, it's safer and much more economical.
Sister time is over rated.
Men are served before women and children.
There is no need to tie a brand new washer onto the dolly when moving it. (tumble)
You can only truly be happy and love someone who will have a baby with you.
Homes don't need windows or screens.
Fighting with the children doesn't make you one of them.
Telemundo is a must.
You don't have to follow through.
Plant your seeds in the valley.
Every meal needs to be accompanied with tortillas.
It's is normal to get mad at your ex for telling people you are divorced.
When your ex is slamming the door on you, you should continue trying to get her to give you a hug.
It's fine to walk into a house at 7am on Easter morning. No need to knock. You used to live there.
It's cool to finally act interested in holidays once you move out.
Inviting your ex on a date is romantic. (hello, what part of divorce don't you understand. Ask your girlfriend)
When visiting the kids you must always park right in the middle of the driveway so that I can't get in or out.


I know that I have missed a lot, but I may have to do a part two of according to Juan.
Please consider this as a lesson. Be VERY picky about who you marry. Don't be a slow learner like me!