Special Pills

Ok, benefits are great. The problem with me is that I need a special insensitive pill. Why not? I have a special pill for anxiety and one so I dont end my own life, so why not an insensitivity pill? and while I'm at it how about a backbone pill to help me stand up for myself and not be such a coward. Seriously I would love to naturally have these traits but I don't so dr. Start prescribing! What would it be like to be one of those girls who can have benefits and not care about the rest? I hate that I have managed to get attached because i have no idea where i stand! Thats where the backbone pill would help! Hello just have a talk! Why be such a chicken. I'd say I'd be ok following my Instinct to just be patient and slow! However following my instincts hasn't worked out before! I don't trust my own judgement anymore! Trusting my judgement before resulted in being a human punching bag, cheated on, lied to, and incarcerated etc. I really need to rethink the looking for a wife idea, hey maybe there is a pill for that too! Sweet! I don't think I'd second guess everything with a female, after all I understand how they're wired! I hate stressing over where i stand.. Maybe the anxiety pill should be doubled! I used to think those girls who were naturally insensitive were heartless sluts but I'm beginning to think maybe they had the right idea. Theyve probably had a lot less heartache and stress! But I'm not that girl so all I'm asking for are special pills!

Grow up!

Dear ex husband,
When 2 people get divorced, that means they will eventually move on and date others. If you come over to my house to ask me for a favor say thank you. If you don't call first don't get pissy if someone shows up to visit me. In America it is considered rude to try and back up into someones car! If you are going to treat my guests that way then don't come over! Seriously, grow up! I don't appreciate you coming over and then getting pissy with me. I don't appreciate it when you are rude to my friends. After all we are adults, at least I thought we both were! Please consider the above before showing up uninvited and without calling first!

Sincerly,
Your EX-wife

P.S. When you are divorced you are not suppose to go out on a date for your anniversary! Duh! If you are divorced you know longer have an anniversary! There is only the yearly celebration of when the divorce was finalized! No hard feelings:)

Mans Best Friend

I love my sister so much! My heart goes out to her and Clint. They had to put Harley bear to rest. He was such a sweet dog. My parents had to put poor Snickers to rest this year too! At least they will be able to play together once again! Maybe Harley will continue to try and hump him..lol..

The saying that dogs are a mans best friend couldn't be more true! We get so attached to these four legged creatures! I call my Kody bear my boyfriend and people think I am nuts. But he listens, cuddles, kisses, and doesn't talk back or judge. Who could ask for a better boyfriend?

So sister, I am sure the rainbow today and the lab you saw were Harley's way of saying he loves you and everything will be fine. We will all miss him!

Love You Sister!

Old Demons

It's amazing how one friend request on Facebook can turn a persons world inside out. I have spent the last 11 years trying to protect my kids from anymore pain from their father. Out of the blue he requests them as a friend. Emotions have been all over the place. I am stuck between a double edged sword. The kids want to know their dad. They are curious. All the younger two have heard are bad stories that the older two remember. I have always told them that their dad loves them, he just made bad choices that caused him to lose everything. It is hard for me to see them invision him as the monster he was to me 85% of the time.  After all they are half him. I think they get the feeling that they are bad because their father is. I have tried so hard to get them to understand that that is not the case at all.
They have made contact with their cousin whom is their dads sister's kid. These are cousins that they used to love to play with and an aunt that always helped take care of them. We lost touch with them when their house was torn down. They didn't have my information because I didn't give it to them in fear of it getting into their dads hands. I have felt guilt for years over them not being able to grow up together. They are good people.
I let the restraining order expire and didn't renew it because you have to list your address. DUH! Why the hell would I want him to know where we moved to! What do I do? Throw the paper at him when he shows up high and drunk. I can't always expect that my sister can run over and scare him off with her gun again.or the police will show up right on time with pepper spray and handcuffs. I guess I need to get me some spray and a weapon. Anyway, the cousin and aunt say that he is living in mexico and is not able to enter the USA again or he will be a lifer behind bars.
I can only pray that this is true. I can not trust him. The one photo I saw of him posted on facebook, he was holding a beer. Hello! Has he not learned anything?
I hate that my kids think that their dad doesn't love them. I hate that I have one in tears because she feels like if he loved her he would want to change. I know her pain because I went through it for years with him. Of course I gave her the he loves you and you can't change anyone, they have to be ready for the change speech, but I know that is so hard to understand. It took me years to understand that and I was an adult. I don't know how else to comfort her. She is torn and hurt. She wants to know her dad and doesn't understand how 11 years later he reaches out.
I hate old demons. Why do they have to turn your world inside out again! This sucks. I don't want him to reach out and tell them lies about me either. His dad told him how horrible his mom was and told all sorts of lies about her to him. He was convinved she was a horrible person until I made him go with me to meet her. He realized then that his dad had been full of shit, I don't want to worry about any back and forth tug a war with their emotions and beliefs.
Does this mean I have to communicate with him as well to stay on a civil level for the kids sake? Even looking at a picture of him makes me shake. This sucks! I was just getting to the point that I could sleep at night without having the alarm in our rental. Hell sleep is over rated anyway right? I hate this!!!
I pray that my daughters take their time and really get to know someone before getting "pg". I don't want my future grandchildren to have to go through anything like this.
Anyhow, I know this wasn't a very entertaining or funny blog, but I needed to vent and this is kind of like a journal for me! :(

Akward Moment

Seriously what do you say when you ex actually has the nerve to bring you a v-day treat and hand it to you right in front of your date? I am seriously ready to change my address. Why is it that once you are divorced you still seem to be the property of ur ex. Why is it that they all the sudden have an interest in building a relationship with my children... Uh 11 years late buddy....RRRRR......sooooo ooovvveeerrrr iitt.

I also think I should change my number....really why does he have to send me guilt trip text messages while I am receiving benefits,  busy duh!!!!
I'm lucky my date/boyfriend/friend with benefits/....I don't know what to call him is still talking to me after seeing the chaos that surrounds me. Maybe he is a keeper.

Fun Friday

Us girls called in sick Friday to go and play in Salt Lake. Of course the entertainment for the day was our mother. On several occasions we just about wet our pants.
She is seriously losing it. I am deeply concerned, lol. Could it be that she carries on a conversation with a stranger on the phone and then we hear "your not my husband", could it be that she wasn't sure if the lane merged because the lines disappeared, could it be because she asks if there is a reason people are going around her,??? I believe it is time for her license to be revoked.
She is lucky however that her crazy driving did not hurt our delicious cupcakes from the sweet toothfairy..mmm
Regardless of her crazy driving, we love her dearly. Couldn't imagine life without her.. After all who would we make fun of? (jk) Even though I claim to be adopted, it is getting harder and harder to convince people when they see my post it notes among other things I get from her.
We had a fun day. It is always an adventure when we are on the road. I loved spending the time with my sister, mom, and aunt Sandi. We should be sick at least once a month. Even if I am held captive until 10pm.

Teenage Boys

Yes, I am an official failure at parenting. After punching several holes in our walls, I had to call in grandma and grandpa to take my boy home with them. How can you make a teenage boy understand that choices he makes now effect his future? How do you make a teenage boy feel empathy? How do you make a teenage boy respect others? How do you make a teenage boy want to succeed?
I have tried everything. His therapist even gave up on him. I am his mom and I will never give up on him. He is so much like his father it scares me to death,. I wish I could find a way to get through to him. He has so much potential. I hate to see him wind up in prision too.
So consider this a warning, if you need parenting advice, I'm definetely not your go to gal!